I wonder if the village elders of Olney had something to do with it.

“So we’re going to Olney then, right?”

“Yep, definitely.”

“So, the plan is get into town early and get the giant horseless carriage to Olney”

“yep, that’s right”

“Well alright then”

‘cept we didn’t, we ended up in Willington, a village on the completely opposite side of Bedford to Olney.


Well ‘cos gettin’ to Olney proved to be a right pain (I wonder if the village elders of Olney had something to do with it. Who would want us to visit?).

I think there may have been some dark magics involved, cos somehow even tho I had left plenty of time to get to our meetin’ point, I seemed to lost some time somewhere (down the back of the sofa is usually where thin’s end up..I might have look later). Of course this just gave the old one somethin’ to moan about.

So before we head to Olney, er no Willington, I pop into a shop to get some provisions (the old one all smug cos he’s already got his). On leavin’ the shop I notice somethin’ wrong, I’ve only got half a chocolate bar! I quickly go back and get ready to complain that I’ve been ripped off, but the lady was so nice about it, it kinda put a stop to it. (I would say she reminded me of my mother, but that’s a bit cruel).

So chocolate crisis over we head on to our destination…

So Willington it was, and it actually turned out to be quite good.

First thing we do is head towards some lane (the old one havin’ been here before, knew where he was goin’ for once). As we approach it the old one starts sniggering and I’m wanderin’ why when I spot the name of the lane.

So we head up Balls Lane and end up at the church, quite pretty as it goes. Spend a little while takin’ pics and generally arsing around (like we do) before movin’ on a little further to a couple of buildin’s one was a Dovecote, the other I’m not sure but they were both very interestin’

While we’re standin’ around (I was anyway) takin’ pics, some bloke with a couple of women followin’, shows up and tells us that he’s about to open up the buildin’ if we want to go inside and take some pics.

Never ones to ignore oppotunities (unless it involves effort, don’t really do effort…it’s too much like hard work), we head inside and right away we’re surprised by how amazin’ it was.

It wasn’t long before we were takin’ pics from every possible angle and sayin’ thin’s like “ooh look at that” and “Coo, isn’t this amazin'”.

In otherwords we turned into…Tourists!

Havin’ finished in the mystery buildin’, we moved onto the Dovecote. Whilst in there, we got told all about how it works and what not (could go into it here but then I’ll spoil your fun findin’ out for yourself!).

The Church was next, this time inside.

Time to move on, and so we settle down to eat some sarnies we had bought earlier only to discover that they weren’t very nice…at all. So the old one suggest we visit the local waterin’ hole for lunch and maybe some nice moonshine. How could I refuse?

Glad we did, cos the lunch was very nice and the moonshine was up there with the best.

Havin’ killed some time in the waterin’ hole we moved on with the little time we had left, we wandered around the village a little stoppin’ by a giant inside garden shop (didn’t buy anythin mind) before gettin’ back on the giant horseless carriage back to Bedford.

Published in: on 1 October, 2010 at 19:26  Comments (1)  
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No sympathy.

Potato rot has finally got me, it’s not nice let me tell you. It’s affectin’ parts of me that I’d rather not talk about, and don’ get me started on the constant visits to the bog!

So what happen’s when I explain to the old one that I’m a bit poorly and sufferin?

Complaints, that’s what. Not to mention the constant piss takin’.

I say I’m sufferin and I need to stay quite close to a bog, he mumbles somethin’ about limitin’ where we can go (no sympathy).

I don’ know why I hang around with him , all I get is insults and lies (can’t believe mother was right), always sayin’ how violent I am towards him. (what a wuss)

So we ended up in Bedford Park, which is not too far from town and there jus’ happens to be a bog there too.

First thing we spot is a load of colourful flowers, very pretty they were.

At some point I remembered that I’d forgotten to bring some spare battrees for my magical paint device, which of course meant the old one goes all holier than tho and precious, mumblin’ stuff about a good photographer is always…blah, blah…bored now.

Well excuse me if I’m somewhat distracted, I’ve got potato rot!!!

Ahem…all better now (still got potato rot tho).

We’re wandrin’ through the park, when we spot the empty tennis courts (strange game that, what exactly is the point of hittin’ a ball back and forth? Now throwin’ horseshoes, that’s a proper game…it’s even better if the horse is still wearin’ them!).

After some time shootin’ the courts from various ridiculous angles, we head off further into the park with thoughts of ice cream and maybe a visit to the bog (for me anyway, goddamn potato rot).

As we get near to the place where the ice cream truck usually is, I get a little bit worried that it won’t be there and the old one promised it would be and maybe in the heat of the moment I may have said somethin’ in a vaguely slightly more aggressive than I normally am sort of way. Who can blame me, he’s promised before and I’ve been let down.

Luckily tho, it was there and I took back what I said so you would have thought that the old one would be happy but I guess not (miserable old scroat).

Anyway, ice creams bought we settle down on a bench by a lake, not too near tho ‘cos whenever we go near water all the damn birds seem to come over and start posin’ for pics!

So we’re sat there enjoyin’ the ice cream, when we notice that the birds were gettin’ closer, one swan in particular seemed very determined to be in a pic. I of course resist but the old one? well, he jus’ can’t help himself (sounds an awful like one them fetish thingy’s I’ve heard about) and pretty soon he’s takin’ pic after pic…sad is what I call it.

After spendin’ far too much time jus slobbin’ around it was time to head back into town and on to the olde waterin’ hole. would’ve like to have a nice pint of moonshine but due to havin’ the dreaded potato rot I couldn’t so I had a juice instead.

Mind you the old one was enjoyin’ his moonshine so that’s somethin’.

Oh yeah, did I mention I had potato rot?

I’ve been hankerin’ to revisit.

Got into town early this week, the plan bein’ meet up with the old one, we’ll get our usual nonsense out of the way (nosh and coffee) and head on up to a place called Cardington lock.

Now, I ain’t been up there for a while and I’ve been hankerin’ to revisit the place for quite some time. Rememberin’ how much fun we had last time, I was lookin’ forward to it and hopefully gettin’ some nice pics out of it.

The journey takes by the river…

…and through Priory country park, which just happen’s to have a rather nice lake.

Wanderin’ along, there was a faint rumblin’ noise and havin’ worked out it wasn’t the old one, it must have been thunder. I quite like thunder, not sure why it scares people it’s just a noise.

(the village elders say it’s a sign. Although they’re never overly forthcomin’ with what it actually signifies)

Imagine our disappointment when we arrived to find…a bench! and not a very interestin’ one either (well, it was just a bench…made of that new plastic stuff).

We do eventually spot some fairly interestin’ stuff, but not much. Although it was quite funny when the old one put his hand in some bird poo, me quickly leggin’ it ‘cos I just know where he would’ve wiped it!

We feel the rain startin’ to fall, so we hide under a bridge that so happens to be where we were (maybe that hex is wearin’ off, I must have got the ritual right this time. Does anybody’s eyes sting? no…just me then).

Movin’ on and back towards the lake, where that thing happens that only seems to affect blokes…

…water and pebbles…must resist. Oh bugger it, I can’t help meself. Have…to throw…pepples…into the water…aah much better!

What is it about water and pepples? Why can’t we resist throwin’ the pepples…dark magics?

Then the birds came and ruined it, gettin’ in the way and so we moved on and started the amble back into town.

Stoppin’ by our favourite baccy shop,( not sure why…all they do is abuse us. Must be somethin’ about us that brings it out in people, when I say us I mean him…the old one) somethin’ came over the old one… he suddenly became a little bit camp!

Onto the waterin’ hole for a quick pint before it was time for work.

Published in: on 9 September, 2010 at 17:31  Comments (1)  
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Surely junk is just..junk.

The day started with him what drives helpin’ me with gettin rid of some old junk, by takin’ it to a place called “tidy tip”.

Now I ain’t never been to a place like this before, so I didn’t have a clue how it worked, but it seems the place is separated into sections for different “types” of junk (surely junk is just..junk).

After drivin’ around the place very slowly we located the section for my junk and, um…dumped it (bit strange that, just leavin’ stuff lyin’ around…anyone can just come along and take it).

That task done, we head off to pick up another mate (no, not the old one this time…he was too busy with other stuff).

This third mate is a baker at one of them oversized indoor markets (definitely dark magics involved in the runnin’ of them…but I won’t hold that against him).

The three of us met at school and minus a few arguments, have been mates ever since.

And this was the first time in, well…years that the three of us had spent the day together.

Once we’re all together, decisions have to be made as to where we’re actually gonna go (uh oh, the old one’s not with us…this could take some time).

Miracles do happen, cos we decided quite quickly, we’re headin’ to Rushden (just happen’s to be him what drives stompin’ ground).

First thing we do is go get some grub at one of those oversized indoor markets (didn’t say I never shopped in them…just don’t tell the village elders).

Shoppin’ done we head into one of the parks, which turned out to be not very interestin’ so we moved on to another park.

This park proved to be a bit more interestin’. For start it had some rather impressive gates at the entrance.

And there was an old house, probably some stately home at some point (not sure who’d want to live in a park tho…apart from tramps maybe).

Havin’ spent some time in the park, we decide to move on, walking through Rushden itself (pretty place, worth another visit methinks…if just to get some more pics of the church).

We decide to spend the next couple of hours just hangin’ out at the home of him what drives until it was time to head back to Bedford and me onto work.

Published in: on 2 September, 2010 at 11:23  Comments (2)  
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I should finish it…

I suppose as I started the story I should finish it…

So, the little brother spent four days in Bedford, stayin’ with the other younger brother (the one I grew up with…can anyone else follow this? it’s like one of them dramatic soaps on the talkin’ picture box) meetin’ my friends and gettin’ to know the town a little.

Then on Friday it was time to go home (musn’t upset the village elders) and so agree to meet up with him halfway between where he was stayin’ and town, when he decides to show up that is…too busy drinkin’ tea, leavin’ me standin’ around a street corner tryin’ not to look dodgy…and failin’ by the looks I was gettin’.

When he finally shows up, we head into town and I have a couple of errands to run before we embark upon our journey…meet up with him what drives, cos he has kindly offered to drive us to Cambridge early, so we can spend some time there before the brother has to catch his train.

We arrive in Cambridge and then spend the next 30-40 mins tryin’ to find somewhere to park…

We finally end up parkin’ at the train station and head into the city centre…in the rain (it always seems to rain whenever him what drives takes us anywhere…maybe it’s him who’s hexed?)

Findin’ somewhere to eat was the next task, it’s a city how hard can it be to find a noshery? this task wasn’t helped by us not agreein’ what to eat.

We eventually find a place called Tatties, nice place with some, erm, attractive qualities…ahem.

Havin’ eaten, the brother spots a shop what sells musical instruments opposite and while we finish our food he wanders over to have a look.

A few minutes later we follow him over to find him sat in the corner playing on one of them guitars what’s powered by electrickery…he’s pretty good as well, but it was time to wander back to the train station so havin’ to pretty much drag him out of the shop we head off…

We drop the brother off to catch his train and then head back to Bedford.

I think the brother enjoyed his stay in Bedford and he’s plannin’ on comin’ back down again soon, I guess it’ll depend on the village elders.

Published in: on 19 August, 2010 at 09:40  Comments (2)  
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These modern ones are amazin’

“It costs 20p to go to the toilet in Cambridge…what?” says my little bro on his first visit to the city.

“I know, it’s shockin'” says I.

Goes to show how little he has travelled…I’m surprised the village elders allowed him to come by himself!

Lets rewind to Tuesday, the day he came to town…

The journey from the homestead to Bedford is quite complicated (well, it is if you ain’t done it before), you have to get a train (these modern ones are amazin’, don’t know where the steam goes tho) to Cambridge and then catch one of them giant horseless carriages to Bedford.

Me bein’ the kind-hearted big brother I am, told him I’d meet him at the train station in Cambridge…there’s lots of interlopers there and it might frighten him (not to mention the potential for catchin’ potato rot!).

It’s kinda funny how, even tho Bedford is closer to Cambridge, I had to get a carriage 45 mins earlier than his train to get there on time.

The moment I arrived in Cambridge, the ol’ bladder kicked in and thinkin’ I might have to wait until after I met him, I quickly headed towards the station.

Walkin’ across a big patch of green called Parkers piece, the sign for a public toilet catches my eye, so I head towards it with hope in my heart and a bladder which was gettin’ angrier by the second.

As I get closer I notice that it’s one of them toilets which costs money to use…20p to be precise. A quick rummage through my change only to discover I don’t have one! (I wonder if that hex is still workin’ it’s dark magics)

Bugger, best just move on and meet the little brother at the station, and hope I don’t have a little accident on the way.

I get to the station, half expectin’ him to be waitin’ outside but he hadn’t arrived yet, so I light up a smoke and wait…

It weren’t too long a wait, I spot him and he looked a little bewildered and I’m wandrin’ why he’s dwadlin’. Turns out that the little gate thingy confused him ‘cos they ain’t got them back in the homestead…he was expectin’ his ticket to come back out.

As we’re walkin’ back to where we catch the carriage, I ask if he’s got 20p so I can go to the toilet, hence the openin’ quote at the top of this post.

After his shock dies down he has a quick rummage through his change…he didn’t have one either (That damn Hex again?), so we stop by a shop to buy something. He’s smokin’ so I quickly pop in and buy some crisps, happy that I’ve finally got 20p I head back out and as I do some weirdo comes up to me…

“hello mate, how are you?”


“Have you seen Don about?”

“I think you may have me confused with someone else”

[a pause as weirdo tries to work this out]

He looks at me and then at brother…

Then he lightly punches me on the arm and says,

“Sorry fella!”

And then just walks off, leavin’ us just staring at each other in bewilderment…I guess I must have one them Dopplegangers runnin’ around (I’ve heard of them, aren’t they supposed to steal your soul or somethin?).

We get to where we catch the carriage, a tad early, time for smoke and then the carriage arrives (I didn’t realise how cheeky my little brother was until he somehow managed to get a child ticket…he’s 18).

And so we start our journey and his first visit to Bedford.

Published in: on 12 August, 2010 at 10:28  Comments (1)  
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Chocolate? erm, not really.

Another trip down memory lane on Saturday, when him what drives…erm, drove us to Hunstanton in Norfolk….pickin’ up two of my siblins’ on the way.

Spent many a summer there when I were jus’ a lad, but it’s been over 20 years since I were last there.

Startin’ out early (8am!), to make the most of the day, we sort of knew where we were goin’…sort of.
It’s not like we got lost, more like we took the scenic route…ahem.

After about 2 hours on the road, we arrive at the siblins’ home, quick stop for a brew (my first of the day!) and then head on to Hunstanton.

Last time I visited the family, the young’n got her grubby paws on my M.P.D. and seemed to get quite into it, methinks I may have created a monster there, so this time I brought along my little M.P.D. so she could use that instead of my main one…kept her happy it did.

The weather weren’t lookin’ too promisin’ all cloudy and moody, but ain’t gonna let a thin’ like weather stop us from goin’ to the beach! Still at least it were a warm day.

Upon arrival, the first stop was for coffee and then the search for chips. Don’ get me wrong, the chips in Bedford ain’t bad but they jus’ ain’t the same as the ones from the homestead…I’m pretty sure they still use Beef fat in Norfolk, umm yummy!

While eatin’ the chips, the rain starts to fall…don’ know what it is ’bout eatin’ chips in the rain, but it makes me all nostalgic. Besides it weren’t too bad and it didn’t last long.

Wandrin’ around, stoppin’ here and there to get some pics with the M.P.D’s, and spendin’ some time in the arcades…they’ve got these wonderful mini bowling alleys, boy was that fun!

Weren’t too long before the inevitable cravin’ for ice cream, bein’ at the beach there were certainly no shortage of choice!

At some point, we start to get thirsty, so we buy something called Schmoo…chocolate thick shakes apparently, were certainly thick but chocolate? erm, not really and they darn well kept repeatin’ on us, won’t be havin’ them again!

Time to be headin’ back, and so we drop off the two siblins’ and head on back to Bedford.

Was a good day, always enjoy spendin’ time with the siblins’ and lookin’ forward to seein’ them again soon…in fact my Brother is payin’ a visit to Bedford next week (hope he don’t catch potato rot tho).

So what’s happenin’ then?

So what’s happenin’ then? Thinks I as I’m waitin’ for the old one to send me one of them electrickery mail thingy’s or call me on the portable speakin’ telegraph.

It’s gettin’ closer to the time I would normally be headin’ out and I’ve heard nothin’…best go put the kettle on then, it’s not likely to happen’ now…is it?

Oh bugger, what’s that? the damn portable speakin’ telegraph is makin’ a noise, best put me coffee down and answer it…of course it’s him ain’t it, and of course we are meetin’ at the usual time. I just made a coffee too…darn it.

Coffee finished in record time me dressed and ready to go, I head out and it’s darn well rainin’ so I decide to get into town usin’ one them giant horseless carriages what carry’s lots of people. Wish I hadn’t…there’s always weirdos on them (they’ll give you potato rot if you ain’t careful).

Meet up with the old one and then the usual routine…go to noshery, drink coffee and then, erm…yeah the thing is y’see we didn’t have a plan, the old one says he’s retirin’ from the bein’ our official planner.

That’s no good, how am I suppose to know what to do? I’m no good at that sort of thing, it means maikn’ decisions.

So we wander, no particular place in mind but strangely we seem to be headin’ towards the river. I wonder if there’s some dark magics involved…a hex maybe? Darn hexes are so tricky to get rid of…there’s a weird ritual involving dancing backwards while throwin’ salt in your eye…or someone elses eye, I can never remember.

Wandrin’ along headin’ towards a bridge that seems like it might be intrestin, there happens to be three fellas fishing, well they had fishin’ poles but seemed to be more intrested in the beer they had. We jus’ ignore them and carry on.

Spent a bit of time on the bridge, and when the rain started again under it as well.

Feelin’ the urge for coffee, we head back into town. On the way there we get accosted by some strange fella askin’ us about the M.P.D’s we’re carryin’ ( I thought he was drunk, but the old one weren’t sure). That strange conversation over the fella wanders off…probably already forgettin’ what was said.

On the way back into town we spot one of them horseless carriages what sells ice cream, only this week neither of us wants one (definitely a hex).

We stop off at a different noshery for a coffee before headin’ onto the waterin’ hole, where this week they hadn’t run out of beer!

So we finish the day sittin’ in the yard of the waterin’ hole enjoyin’ a nice cool pint of shandy each…bootiful.

What kind of waterin’ hole runs out of beer?

Umm, don’ know about you (who am I talking to? bloody loon, first sign of potato rot that, talkin’ to meself. best stop that then hadn’t I? don’ wanna get that, “bits” might start fallin’ off…shoulda listened to me mother)

I’ve forgotten what I was gonna say now, thanks to being intrupted by me.

Let’s see, erm oh yeah…was gonna talk (shouldn’t that be type? Will you stop intruptin’ me, I can’t think straight with you in me head…sorry, won’t happen again.)

Anyway, Tuesday was like pretty much most Tuesdays ‘cept this time on top of our usual places of visitin’ we also had some of them pictures from the magical paint device to get printed (I thought that was non joined up writin’).

Turns out that the pictures from the magical paint device can be turned into actual solid objects, what you can hold in your hand!

This can be done in a little shop in this place called the Harper centre (big shiny place with lots of shops in it).

Not like we had back in the homestead…I remember there only bein’ three shops, one for meat stuff, one for veggies (the edible type, nothin’ to do with that wierd cult of only eatin’ vegetables) and the other one was what could be best described as a “general store”.

We had to wait for this to be done, so with a little time to kill we went off down by the river…

Wandrin’ along tradin’ insults with the old one as usual, I think we both knew where we were headin’…towards the ice cream truck.

Took our sweet time gettin’ there, what with us gettin distracted by the scenery and what not, but get there we did.

Havin’ bought the ice creams, we find a place to sit down and enjoy them…right by the side of the river, me with me legs danglin’ over the side and the old one perched a little further back (methinks he don’ trust me or somethin’).

Ice creams finished and time killed we slowly head back to pick up the pictures and then on to the waterin hole. Was gonna have a nice shandy when we got there, but they’d run out of beer!…

What kind of waterin’ hole runs out of beer?

I told you there was dark magics involved.

Continued from this post…

Day two of the river festival sees a raft race takin’ place and the waterin’ hole where I work entered a raft.

About a week before the race, the crew got together to build it. Over the week various tweakin’ was done to get it just right.

On the mornin’ of the race, the raft was carried to the riverside by the crew…through town! (I missed this part, somehow managed to be elsewhere).

When I arrived, they’d added some final touches, mainly cosmetic…A jolly roger swayin , erm proudly in the wind. Some other piratey flags and most importantly the team mascot strapped to the front.

At this point some bloke armed with one of them clipboard thingy’s came round to check the thing was actually a raft and not some sort of sarnie in disguise…presumably.

Satisfied it was indeed a raft, he fixed some number to it and wandered off to check the other rafts.

The time came to put the raft in the water, and amazingly it floated (methinks there was some dark magics involved). And so the crew set off to start the race…

They were in the first heat, which was good…meant I didn’t have to wait around too long.

About a third of the way up river, some dirt cheatin’ team rammed the raft from behind and turned it around, so for a time the Bear’s crew was actually rowin’ the raft backwards!

Havin’ managed to get themselves facin’ the right way (more dark magics?) they went on to come second and into the final.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention there was two different types of raft…normal ones, with flat fronts. And fast ones, them with pointy fronts. The Bear’s bein’ a normal type (unusual for us that…bein’ normal)

Time for the final, and this time no dirty cheatin’ underhand tricks. Boy did the crew have that raft flyin’ (well not actually flyin’ only birds do that).

And I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with me own eyes, but they only went and won! (I told you there was dark magics involved).

Published in: on 20 July, 2010 at 03:01  Comments (2)  
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