They really are out to get me!

At last I have proof that I’m not Paranoid…they really are out to get me!

Poor innocent me, never do anything nefarious, not me…I’m innocent.

It’s the rest of the world that’s up to no good, mainly trying to get me…

…Poor innocent me, never do anything nefarious, not me… I’m innocent.

No doubt matey has told his twisted view of the days events. Probably in some long-winded, babbling like the old man he is, kinda way. He can’t be trusted either, he’s out to get me too…

…Poor innocent me, never do anything nefarious, not me… I’m innocent.

Tuesday morning, and of course it’s bloody well raining again! I have to go into town to run some errands, which involves spend money I don’t have…mumble, moan, wish money didn’t bloomin’ exist. Hate money I do, the reliance on it, not the actual money itself, that stuff is just paper and metal not much to hate there.

So, it’s raining and I decide I’m gonna get the bus to town, don’t want to get all wet do I? But of course that means I’ll have to get on the bus with all those people who normally use the bus, dodgy bunch them. Take a look around next time you’re on a bus, weirdo’s everywhere. Just don’t look at your reflection in the glass, you might realise you’re one of them!

Get’s to town and goes about me business all innocent like, never do anything nefarious, not me…I’m innocent. Having done most of the thing’s I meant to do in town, the time was coming to meet matey, so I slowly (never rush, bad thing to do) start heading in the general direction of meeting place. As I’m walking through the alley between BHS and the old Woolies shop, I see it’s all wet and dark and shadowy.

“Coo, that’ll make a nice shot or two”

So I take out me camera and proceed to take a few shots of said scene. All completely innocent, never do anything nefarious, not me…I’m innocent.

right pleased with them too.

That little pit stop done, off I go to meet matey. I’m a tad early, so time to have a quick fag before he gets here. I’m standing there all innocent like, (yada yada, not nefarious so on and so forth) having me fag when up he strolls, I thinks to meself, not gonna think to anybody else now am I?

“look at him, dodgy looking old git, should stop hanging around with him, I’ll get a bad rep.”

We stand around for a few minutes smoking our respective fags, then move on to our favourite eating establishment, as usual.

All fuelled up on pasties and coffee, it’s time to move on to…where we moving on to, who knows, we certainly didn’t. We slowly walk through town up towards the High street, mainly because the bad clouds were behind us. Not really knowing where it is we are going, just ambling along talking gibberish as usual. I think both of us mentally deciding not to go to the river again, but neither of us saying it.

Up Mill street is it? ok, that’ll do. Stopping to take some shots along the way. Bloody light, gotta play around with the setting’s on the camera to get anything remotely decent.

Heading towards the Polish Church, vaguely aware that the river is not too far from here. We’re standing there taking some pics, all innocent like, when a couple of fellas come up to us and one of them asks me.

“excuse me, why are you taking photos?” a flash of  his badge, umm plain clothes Police…interesting.

Before I can even answer, matey jumps right in, like he always does. Any excuse to waffle on at someone, anyone.

“Purely for our own enjoyment” or something similar.

Then of course, he starts babbling on and on about how he’s been photographing all over Bedford and the County, shows them his press card. He just has to, bloody ego, “look at me, aren’t I wonderful? aren’t I special? I’ve a badge to prove it…blah, blah, blah”

I’m pretty sure them Cops are getting bored out of their tiny little minds by now, I know I was. They moved on pretty darn quick after he showed them his Press card tho, not sure if it was that or the inane waffling what did it.

Curious that, not had plain clothes coppers come up to me before, asking what I’m up to. We move on with barely another thought of said coppers.

Strangely, we seem to be heading for Castle mound, that place we’ve visited several times before, every time thinking there must be something interesting up there…there never is.

Doesn’t stop us from going up there tho, I did manage to get a couple but they weren’t exactly brilliant but they’ll do.

Moving on from there, we find ourselves walking by the river, the exact same place we didn’t want to go. Seem to be doing a lot of that today. Then a loud rumbling noise overhead makes us rethink the situation and with barely a glance, we head back to Castle mound. There’s a shelter up there we can, er shelter ourselves from the massive storm that is no doubt about to come crashing down upon us with great furious anger!

Turns out that shelter really ain’t much good for sheltering, it’s too open. Much like the so-called smoking shelter’s that Pubs have been forced to install, because of the stupid anti-smoking laws, thought up by retarded do-gooders who treat us like infants that can’t make up our own minds, as to whether something is bad for us or not and whether we should do it or not.

We each plonk ourselves in opposite corners of the shelter thinking, yeah this’ll be ok won’t get wet here…yeah right. Promptly move away from the corners into the middle of the shelter. Not much to do but roll up a fag and smoke it and wait for the storm, that great furious storm that is about to hit…

…Where’s this storm then? Typical british weather, so much promise but when it comes to crunch time it wimpers out. Yeah, so it was raining. Yeah it was windy, but a storm? er no, not a storm, bit pathetic really and it didn’t last long either. And there was us looking forward to getting some shots of the lightning as well…bugger.

So we’re standing around (we do a lot of that don’t we?), when a Bluecap appears, them helpful chaps and chapesses that wander around Bedford town centre, dishing out directions and other helpful stuff. And they wear blue caps, hence the name.

“here we go again” says matey ” bet we’re in trouble for taking photos”

She wanders over, apparently to check if there’s any graffiti in the shelter…really? She spots that we’ve got camera’s,  looks at me and says.

” You weren’t in James street earlier were you?”

“where’s that?” says matey.

“In between Woolworth’s and British Home Stores”.

“ah, yes that was me” says I.

Apparently as she was walking towards us, she notced that I matched the description of  a suspicious looking person taking photo’s down James street, and that the description was sent out over the radio network that the Bluecaps, the Police and those wanna be Police, “specials” I think they’re called, use.

I knew I wasn’t paranoid, they really are out to get me!

So as I was innocently taking photos of the cycle racks in the alley, seems  someone decided I was up to no good… as if, I never do anything nefarious, not me… I’m innocent.  It’s not my fault they can’t tell the difference between someone innocently taking photos and someone up to no good is it?

If I was really up to no good, would I be doing it with a whacking great huge DSLR with a whacking great big lense, blatantly taking photos…no I don’t think so. Surely it would make more sense to try to hide what I was doing, right?

But, obviously all photographers are dodgy, we’re all up to no good…that’s what those in authority would have you believe anyway. Probably have us all strung up and branded as Terrorists, if they thought they could get away with it.

I’ve been, falsely I might add, branded as a “suspicious looking person”. Personally I think that’s a bit out of order, there’s nothing suspicious looking about me, just an average joe going about my business.

I even showed the Bluecap the photos I took, she seemed to quite like them. It was at this point that matey starts the old ” look at me, look at my press card, I take photos too, all over Bedford and the County, aren’t I special? aren’t I wonderful? blah, blah, blah”

Can’t I have nothing for meself, even a bit of infamy? Obviously not, he has to have all the limelight for himself…bloody egomaniac.

Looked like she wanted to run away, I know I wanted to. Eventually she moved on and matey says.

” that explains what I overheard earlier, walking past one those wanna be cops”.

“wassat then?” says I.

“Something about some real suspicious character having been spotted, in James Street . But he’s moving on now, though everyone should keep an eye out for him.”

Curious how all these tiny insignificant events tie up into one single main event. I’m innocently taking photos, matey overhears a radio report of a suspicious character, we both get accosted by plain clothes coppers and then the Bluecap fills in the gaps.

See, they really are out to get me, I told you. I’m not paranoid…I’m not.